One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.I was maybe 2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.Then she says, (as only a mother would know ...)'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?'

Beer

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Have your parents tell you a story with a moral at the end.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. 'Johnny, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. She was a pilot In Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy Territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a Survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy Troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
'Good Heavens' said the horrified teacher.
'What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?'
'Stay the f*** away from Aunt Carol when she's drinking.'

Beer

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," She replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!" She answers.
"Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands.

She whispers in his ear..........
"That's me before the surgery."

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a high rise building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.' The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping, too.' The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and he jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!' The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.' Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
' Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr . in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women! Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman.... Why? BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:
MEN tal illness
MENstrual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a HIS terectomy. Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?